The sea au'f tranquility

2012-01-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

scnd day after new years..heartbroken as ever
my girl's with somebody else.
and i cant deal with it..cos i cant live without her..
my hearts a hole....god pleasehelp me...god help me

2011-11-21T02:39:00.000-08:00

slowly trudging to a halt, i am fragile within,
flakes seem to softly caress the wind, before separating themselves from the fabric of my mind, and alighting as if on a cloud;
madness, distorted hungers feed the air around the county,
peace gives no death, and death gives no peace, strains of mind linger toward sanity,
rotten it lays, putrid from corruption, strainin for comfort, strainin it lies wasted and waiting for the next bounty to creep into its savage garden

The season of love ends...

2010-12-15T11:13:00.000-08:00

finally....

winters with cold of many other winters blow through on to the embers of a dying love;

the ground and soil breathes a sigh of relief, war-torn

the air feels like my breath....

the plague that love carried in its veiny black veils has receded and wasted an era of generations in my land of love

innocence was raped to hunger.....and finally the tears that fell freely struggle through the scapes of cheeks, the last few drops of pain, pure, pain, tears of better times and happiness shed thru their last minutes of suffering..

the heart crumbles into rest , it beat everday for nobody to come, the coffin of loneliness is cosy home to darkness, ravaged by the fires of desire, attachment, an era of youth wasted...and the wastelands lie now in deathstricken sleep shamed but relieved, teary eyed but sated from the fires that ravaged it and its memories of a happy time gone long ago...

happy times...sigh...is the only thing i can say..the only thing thing that becomes the remains scant of my heart....

2010-09-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

ve lost plot...plot
is lost...
god....save me...
please..

2010-05-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

cravin walks....
by the sea..
no answers...
no questions...
no answers...
no answers....
lost...n found..lost only to be found.......

i have lost...only to find...

lost...only to find.....lost...whole.....wholly...whollly...wholllyyyyyyyyy

2010-04-03T22:47:00.001-07:00

I am lost to creativity

as i am lost to most other things in this world
they are all beautiful yet distant;

i live in the stem of my money plant;

i dream on star lit nights
like everyone else

most people r rid of me

it does matter to some;

they eyes r dreamy and teary eyed;

the moon is silent like a crater of ice

i must go to bed in my lil stem;

the waves come rushing

but they wont drown me

neither would they raise me up to the heavens

or to the pearly moon light

i sleep knowing the waves rumble inside the walls of my mind

i sleep knowing i will be raised to heaven after my time is done and i will go to a distant land

the land of my mind

and i shall die into air from there

beautiful things last in that land

things that are delicate regenerate

i get broken in peices but all r home to me everwhere i guess

i must look at the moonlight for succor and peace and silence

beautiful lies the wastelands of desert ice and stony gravelly sands

2010-02-15T11:10:00.000-08:00

like a breeze that sweeps the sands of the desert;

like a whisper across your sweet skin;

miss u .in. lonely nights...miss ur hair, baby eyes and, ur hair, ur special,

will always be;..

2010-02-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

wish every millimeter of him , that felt u was me......

stand n the rain of my loneliness...

..m ripped aprt.....

2010-01-23T06:25:00.000-08:00

clutched the bed cried, choked on my pain, streamed from my eyes,
like i could nt breathe;
wished u'd stay, hoped and prayed,
the spear was stuck, in between me n me;
a hotel room in the dark, silent, unknown, to evrybody;
all those evenings, the lights in your eyes that i saw, the freedom we had,
and you were gone like a dream...leaving me to spiral into darkness, like a falling leaf,
you knew you were mine somewhere, i knew,..
i walk the streets alone at night, i wait, for ages to pass, and for fate to bring you back to me...
i don't think i can love another the way i ve loved you, miss you, every night and morning, i want to wake up to something that feels like hope that i will see you and be with you someday...
miss youuu...
mis youu bad...mis you...
alone..and without you...

the boy who lost his love...

2010-01-18T04:38:00.000-08:00

Once there was a shepherd boy who did'nt have any friends

he was shunned by the girls and left alone by the boys cos he was weird;

alone and with no one to play with, and shunned by the world;

he wanted to be the cynosure of everyone's eyes

he wanted the world to see him and be with him

he wanted the girls to talk to him

so he prayed to god, god help me fix my future, "Let the girls fall in love with me"

and so God heard his prayers and gave him a magical lute,

and so his lute would produce the most beautiful music, the ones that his listeners would love to hear, and hence fall in love with him

He had the power now, the power that lured people to him

the power over their hearts;

and yet it came at a price, God told him that if he ever fell in love, the lute would fail to work its charm

he agreed readily, the power of a new life, was with him, no more would he be among the millions,

he'd be something special!!!

On he went then, charming the millions, collecting little experiences as a hunter collects his trophies..

In time it all came as a routine to him, he would play the lute and the girls would want to be with him, and the guys be him, he was perfecting the art of luring his victims into his enigma, his playfulness, and his desire to play what they wanted to hear..

and did they love it..

she was one among them, among the many who had heard his fame as the lurer of the lute, had big eyes, she did and like the others, she had a playful smile,

he liked being with her and thought she was attractive, dusky, and like a precocious child, curious about his methods with women and men in general;

he liked telling her things just like he loved listening to her, watching her, as her eyes rose and fell, in the passing tides of her stories...;

she was beautiful, as she drew attention from him like a playful child:) the lute was forgotten, and it became her song that he became interested in...;

he knew he was slipping, but he liked becoming interested in her;

he woke now, every morning, with a face he wanted to see, hers;
and a place that he wanted to be, right next to her..:)

and a moment away from her, it pained him....her long black loveley hair he missed;

her smiles with meanings dipped in love, he missed when she was not with him;

the torture, of loving, slowly began to unfold its vice like grip over him....

he hated losing her to anybody...

he was so lost in her; he never knew, far less cared, with what happened to him...

he never bothered, but with, being with her,

every shadow that was cast in her eyes, he spotted, and he would want to hold and tell...what it was.....soothe her, kiss her eyeslids, and tell her nothing mattered when they were together...

and so his fear grew alongside his need to hold her, possess her, the fear of losing her made him go crazy..

he did sweet things for her, remembered to make her feel special, and in time she began to rule over his heart;

She was evrything he wanted in a woman, like a child she was tender in love, beautiful,she was, sensuous in her eyes;

and she belonged to him for a period that began magically...

his fear grew as did the dust on his lute, and he never cared for it,

but time went on and she had always belonged to someone, someone else, and someday she said they would live and be together..

the shepherd boy's fear grew and grew, and his tunes began to haunt him,

her fears were such that since he posessed the lute, he would charm and enchant and go away from her;

his fears, he could but only play out as his music so that, she would realise, how blinded to everything, like a madman, he needed her....

and how more than anything else in this world, he needed her....

but the curse came true, with the boon he asked...

he broke the strings of his lute, playing for her, all the tunes that he knew, that he had cared to learn to make her see..
that he loved her more than anything else in this world......

and she fell deaf to these tunes, and she grew ever more concerned and dreamy, in his eyes, of her life with this other person, a person he knew not;

he could see her move farther and farther away from him, in her eyes, everyday now, it seemed...so....

his fears began to play on him now..the tunes he had learnt proved wasteful, he could not bring the only true love of his life into his world...

he was stuck in a place, lonely, and could only watch as she moved away from him....

he wanted to grab something, get hold of his life, but failed..

she went away....from him..with her long black dreamlike hair..and her black eyes..filled with love....

she did not listen to his tunes , his lute proved useless with his love..

finally, broken from despair over her loss, - he wailed,

choked with pain, he wailed so loudly, so loudly, that no one ever heard him....and walked by him....

wails does he now,... the lonley shepherd boy........

an evening at the beach...

2010-01-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

lonely now...

as the evening sea breeze..

nameless now...as the stars that shine far away....

pick rocks from the sand..pieces of my heart..

they belong here..someone's left them for me...

she will come back again in a thousand years for me....

till then....lonely now...as the wet sea breeze..

nameless now..as the lands she has covered....

desiderata'..........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-10-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

crying out in the needs...

smoke carries my dreams...wafting through the walls n the air....

cum filled mouth of mine...

i was filled once by a cock....i was sucked once by a cunt...

slimy salty....dreamy choked eyes.....

the walls are purple velvet....

my wails gargle into laughter inside me

eyes are dead, but dreamy, the cigarette s soft within my fingers....

the burning heat's soothing....

red soft walls, long blue passages, rose colored doors, paintings..of blue hues...

cumming inside a room of white walls, filled with paintings n sultry heat...

on a table of brown....with men crowding around me, selfish beasts,

women, selfish vultures, their smiles vulgar as if their smiles tore their masks away....

my tears are filled with devil, scorching devil, it burns my skin as my pearls trickle down....

the smoke rises like delicious delirious dreams from the cave of my hollow mouth..

numbness of pleasure....a moment of hollow soul..of infantile dreams,

my groin hurts from the ravaging, my lips stretch against the dry cum, my smile's for the moment....

i wanna die....i ve filled my heart, with cum, my smiles pearly, my eyes glassy....

i wanna die.....curly hair, my soul's flying away, through the winds stuck in this room,

sultry sweat n the scent of it makes me miss it again,

the vicious assault of madness, of lust, all pervading lust...in the moment....

miss t all....

2009-09-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc8xbjbpCQM&feature=related

hehehehe

2009-09-19T08:44:00.001-07:00

absurdity has a charm,:)
im swollen wt it :_____)

Blllliack

2009-09-19T08:41:00.001-07:00

how often does a song echo thru ur soul like ur own song, like ur own tears,,, this is mine :)

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

silent wails

2009-08-29T08:19:00.001-07:00

slender fingers fell, on me, hers...

an ancient violin i was....

she caressed away the shrouds of my dust ; slowly

with her chocolate fingers;

she played her tunes on my strings....and i fell a slave

i hummed, sang, wailed, and screamed....

she left, with her playful fingers...

i wait now, in silence,

for her touch..

and the dust falls on me once more.....

cymbals and the concubines of hope

2009-07-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

and now that i am plunged in ur folds this warm morning;

growing afternoon in the shade of ur lashes;

my seed joyously rushing all over my body into you

my face buried deep within the curves of your neck

and ur body like a serpent's next to mine;

ancient gyrations, ancient pleasures

let me fill up my heart in love;
let me offer it with my tears to you;
let my soul be cracked open,
to be laid at ur feet today...

and let ur lily toes kick away the cinders of my mortal fire;
my passion;
my blood red flower;
my lily that bleeds
take me, make me yours this morning
that i may see the afternoon through the shade of your lashes;

2009-07-02T11:39:00.000-07:00

im bleeding..someone would rememeber me as a forbidden memory

nobody remembers me the way i want to....

i leave greived

2009-07-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

if only anybody saw these things...if only my prayers were answered....if only my madness found a home, if only i could fly, if only i could love her the way i wanted to......

2009-07-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

God im so sorry,

i am so angry

and i am very angry, nothing's gone my way, is a wrong sacrilegiou thing to say, im happy ur there,
im very very sad,
i guess i ll live with it, hurts every moment, and hurts pretty bad,
let me break free lord, lemme escsape, im sorry, im very very sorry...
so very sorry...

2009-07-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

i am done ..s about time i realised,,,i am done

the elegies

2009-07-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

wide lovely black eyes

long black hair

smiles that bring to my mind

fresh pomegranates in the rain

she'll never be mine, no

and she'll remain a picture on the walls of my mind,

o' gypsy heart of mine, y must we crave a home, or a steady sun,

the cold and the frosts are mine, that's our realm, our ice cold realms,

we shall swim in our world in the fogs, and lakes and placid pines

when she has gone following her path;

and i am lonely again,

and when the ice shall melt my heart

2009-06-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

I’m a clerk
I’m a secretary
I’m a dumbo
I am stupid
Morning dawns
Birds freshen the sky
Sun warms the earth
I walk on weary
Till my day’s end is reached;
I come back in the evening
Often in a hurry;
To see your eyes;
Whether time has changed them or not or how they seem to smile at me;
Black, tubs of love
Warm like chocolate…
I can drown in
Your smile gladdening, slightly painful, because I won’t wake up to it; I wish I did
Your fingers, your touch, even in pinches soothing, filling me with a sense what is so close and yet will never be mine
You’re like the breeze, you’re in me in this moment, u possess my soul this one moment,
I am swept away; and in this moment
My pain is like a knife dug into the back of my heart, aching, sometimes bleeding
For I have lost you forever in this another moment
You’re mine, a dream, I am in love with....
Wet, rainy days, come, I think of u, I think of your eyes, of your smile, of when u lie down smiling
Like the smell of warm coffee, I treasure them, in sepia….

My breaths I owe to a dream, my dream will be you now…always…!

being blown away in the wind...

2009-04-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

s 10 30 at nite, i walk on the empty streets, under the halogen lamps, lonely, cold even in the simmering heat..worried, depressed, but gleeful inside....
weird eh...not so...not wen u know evertything about u is a great paradox...and as mysterious as the grand canyon.
im simple with great troubles caused from big things and small...im not even sure who i am
woke up in bed today witha start wonderin who i was or somethin..i am not me....i am not ur funny guy, always with a laugh, with a quirky things to say or something, maybe i am a lil bit of that guy
there is something primitive stirring inside me wen im in bed, when i relax, i can feel those mysterious lurkings in the depths of the darks, s a sad sorrow, when everybody knows only for wat u show them cos if u showed wat u really were, ud be in jail...
u cant even share urself with the world cos u don even no how insane u can get, u get lafed on by ppl who don no u, wat hurts more is wen ppl u hope wud no u act dumb, or seriosuly in their defense do not know u
i ben hurt a million times with my ex wen i thot wen she shuda understood me she was so far on the opposite side, so far being the operative word, wen u come under that kind of trouble, u miss someone to really no u, come to ur defense, to hold u, wrap u up from the cold and loneliness, and take u awy in their arms...
the hurtful part is ppl who don have the slightest idea who i am adore me, and ppl who i wud rather share myself with have a very gruesome idea of who i am
i am not saying tbhey r far away from the truth but i really need somebody to understand me, understand that they r dealin with a tortured soul with absolute ignorance of who he himself is...

insecure - i have a word for it...
totally insecure...hmmm
no one person to msg or actually can be myself with in all of the world, and i don need a person, a place , or some sort of , any sort of i guess, element would do,

not a person who would care for me or anything in this whole wide world, jus freezing lonely is wat i would call it, i like it this way too..cos if somebody knew me they d take advantage of me

when one finds paradise he gives alkl away to be there and suddenly when all u have is given in exchange, paradise disappears and in the bargain ur consumed by deceit.....

i don even no who or wat i am waiting for in this world some ppl come make me feel magical wen im with them and pass away...i saty rooted in loneliness...
wat can i say wen i all i see is a darkness wen i luk inside of myself...and the light i show outside is the light i wish i had to light up inside of me but wud nt cos i was too bored to do it.....

only i understand this blog, this exercise in futility for anyone else, is as always a waste of time,
i have no one to msg, no one to talk to, no one to wait for, no one to hold onto to make warm, i am lonely as cold cucumber in the ass of siberia - poetically speaking....

pain is the mother of humor..... :-(....

2009-02-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

i swim in the green emerald, dark underworld of waves....flowers, dead faces i loved luking at....smiling still dead

herbs, long short thurbs, waltzed with their funny spines in this murky darks,
it was cool, upwards there was the yellow sun, gliming thru my waters,
i wanted to swim deeper, i swam, and the thrubs and their blue forests domained,
and as i swam thru i realised my home was further deeper in to these dark deep blue wavy woods..and as i swam i melted into this dark, by fractions;
i realised now was forever; and forever was now.....and as i melted i smiled in fractions, the blue waters were cool, dark and deep....

.........................................................................

2009-02-16T12:24:00.001-08:00

mornings in a garden facing the mountains,
me, bees, n the flowers, the sun loving me in her warm mellow, golden glow
the breeze that passes over me n the garden alike like love and heody's me r whispers;
my hair soft, n ruffled, my eyes wide opened, my smile only a part of the sunshine;
as beautiful as my tear and the stars up in heaven,
nights, my soul rises to be with them, i fly between the stars thru the nite;
swim the depths of blue space, the wind s music, miss all those who missed me;
i fly and i know they r there n always were and sometimes i become contained in the fact that everybody's me; and i was but a fragment in a vase splitting, shattering into serenity, thru eternity...
my tears were crystals, and so everything's a poem, and everything splits always to be part of one poem...one poem of motion, of silence, of permanent movement thru ethreal equilibrium...
and so it was....when i was....

2009-02-13T11:19:00.000-08:00

god bless our lil worlds,

god bless my lil world;

....................................

2009-02-11T00:05:00.000-08:00

From – Twenty Poems of Love

I can write the saddest lines tonight.Write for example: ‘The night is fracturedand they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’The night wind turns in the sky and sings.I can write the saddest lines tonight.

I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.

I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.

The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off.

Far off,my soul is not content to have lost her.As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.

My heart looks for her: she is not with meThe same night whitens, in the same branches.

We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,my soul is not content to have lost her.Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Pablo Neruda

Another Christmas away from a home i know not..!!

2009-01-07T00:45:00.000-08:00

U no there r these times wen ya feel, so down, so down that u feel ur losing ur grip on everything, but the comforting thought that u never hjad a grip on anything in the first place dawns, and m smiling again, but it hurts to know your cold, your hurt, and your lonely in this world
Sucking on a cigarette, lying on the lawns near a river, letting the cool breeze soothe my hot tears, I see up at the sky open, vulnerable, and almost an insignificant, forgettable speck, lonely is the word…
I sit n I’m alone inside my heart, its homely enough for me, pondering, sad, pensive…and wet moist eyes;
Sometimes I cry, I rarely no y, I cry n I cry and I cry, for that is the only thing to do,
I see up the sky, feeling someone up there beyond the clouds wud see me, know me, and let me be free as a wind,
Im being contained and chopped into smaller n smaller pieces, I ve now lesser time for freedom for myself than wen I was a kid, or wait, I never had it, I never had it so I d never no it, sex is an antidote against pain n loneliness, so im drawn towards it invariably,
The icy loneliness drives me towards warmth, and yet I get ignored by this warmth, this heat, I get pierced in the heart by it;
I am confused, silent, and its chaos running amok inside my head, losing my energy, over jus feeling n thinking at the same time, I hate everybody else in my life…
I don like my luck, im pointing fingers..At whom..??
Its X Mas,
I’m child again….
Running among thistles, believing in Santa; hoping for snow to come, and a window thru which to see the flakes twirling down to kiss the earth.
My home, I have a home far away, where, nobody knows, there I have a mom –myself, my pop-myself, and a child-myself to be together for Xmas , to huddle up close by the fire, while the snow curls twirl downwards to the tunes of the midnight Christmas carols, the pet cat n dog r also lil bits of me, the wall brown n yellow in the golden light of the fire, and Santa’s sledge can be heard far away, a moment, only a moment, of not this life, which life I know not, but a moment all the same… .

A Tender Morning's Wish..!!!

2008-12-13T07:15:00.000-08:00

What would I not give to get a woman, as beautiful as the morning sunshine
Someone who is as tender as a lily in spring; someone whose smile would make me forget the worries of the world;
A girl who wud fill up my heart with exuberant joy;
Some girl who wud look like Aurora herself, when she opened the blinds in the morning,
Ah !! They say it’s usually ur fondest, smallest prayers that remain wishes; and
What a wish I have..
Lying in bed, spreading myself out , and burying my face in the warmth she left on the cotton sheet,
Winking up at her as she stood opening the blinds, wrinkling my eyes into a smile watching her familiar silhouette against the wet sunshine of the morning;
I can feel the cotton in my fingers, can feel her scent on the bed, the warmth, her baby warmth, oh how I crave it, it was beyond words for me to tell her …
And I lie there watching the ceiling...And this silent picture shall become some dust eaten portrait in some long forgotten passage of my memory..And there it shall lie forgotten...Until her slender, long fingers shall pull open the blinds

The God's Leisures

2008-12-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

And god looked down on his creations,
The mighty blue seas sheathed above by the blue hue of the skies, he stood on his balcony and breathed a sigh of relief
He had something to watch, finally, something to play with, the garden he filled with life, his life,
He had made them out of his own hands, every inch of them were his sweat and effort
He felt proud, he watched them in wonder, he was amazed by them, little beings among his other beings,
Through them he would feel, would know what it is to be, to be silly, to be noisy, to be happy, and to be pre-occupied
They led such curious lives, lil ant like things, intelligent to a fault, ignorant about everything, dependant, and yet surprisingly efficient, arrogant about that as well;
He looked upon them lovingly, full of interest, he wanted to watch how they were going to grapple with things around them, he was so taken in by them he even gave them the power, the only power that he had, the power of choice!!!And he watched, as he watched, they scurried around his garden, and from one came the need for two, and from two, they spawned billions, crawling like ants over their adversaries, and over the vast spaces of time..
They built their own rules, to govern their securities, they built houses, and churches to go back to their childhoods, and they built gardens and made sports so that they could nurture safely, as they could hunt.
They tried everything, rejected everything, they had everything, yet they denied themselves everything, they were free, and they continued to bind themselves with bondages,
They were given imagination, they used it so beautifully, that God himself was amazed at their creativity, but imagination was given to them so that they could sense his presence in the little things that were available to them, and slowly across generations they forgot their early lessons
They were arrogant now, believing they ran the show, while the big man watched in wonder, they were now much more an aggressive species, who had everything taken for granted, that he gave them
Taking for granted meant they ran amok with their freedom and their power over other creatures, after all they were the favored ones, he watched, as they plundered and exploited everything to their benefit even their own fellow species,
And as they grew in this way, they began to infest like rodents across the space he had made for them, breaking down everything he made for them to make spaces for themselves, they were now in a race for space, to survive from themselves, and they failed to see that they were breaking down the very branch they were sitting on, triggering far greater dangers for themselves.
Boundaries they set from fear began to be encroached, by their very kind, and what was once decided amicably, now became bones of contention, and in anger they turned against themselves, eating into each other as they moved forward
They spewed fire and destruction on everything they saw that belonged to someone else or that could be a threat to them, the love they had turned to fear, and the fear that arose bore hate in them, and the hate that grew blinded them in a frenzied rage,
Smiles turned to snarls, and as they tore up everything in their paths, suffering cries arose from all parts of the lil blue garden he had made for them so lovingly,
God watched on alarmed at his creations, like Satan’s minion, they marched on, selfish, short-sighted, and filled, to their snarling teeth with hate – for all.
He watched on as he mulled deeply – his creation of love, now were defile, one eyed creatures of hate…their souls were wretched now…there was no more beauty in them anymore…
Watching them filled him with a strange alarm and fear.
They had to go, they had to burn and perish, not one should survive lest this vile race be carried forward, the earth must lose their trace, nothing should ever resemble their likeness, they were evil now, and evil would destroy, all.
God was sad, he loved them, he loved them because of their ignorance, they knew nothing, they were cute to him, least of all they were his sweat and blood.
But they must go…even if he did not wash them away, they would destroy themselves, but they would take everything from his garden so that nothing could ever survive after them…
They were to be stopped.
Maybe it was the intelligence which made them what they became, maybe it was their choices that brought them here, and maybe they forgot to use their intelligence to exercise their greatest power, one which put them at par with him, their power of choice…
He mulled sadly as he took one final stare at the burning, pillaging and looting billions, he put his finger on the button, and let out one heavy sigh, he couldn’t believe they would be no more with their silly fights, and laughter… in a moment that would all be gone..
He closed his eyes as he pressed the button down...A tear dribbled down his cheek as everything blanked out and went silent..!

2008-11-24T06:05:00.000-08:00

in one of those moods today..tonite ??
cold, scared, shivering a lil from fever n nasal and throat pain, feelin down
lack of respect, a constant feeling of fear, and a reputaion for untrustworthiness,
i ve picked gems from personality traits and made them mine....
was good the journey i had till now....how long more
i donno...must be like the sea with tempestous storms, sea-serpents, cold winds, scary waves and irritating crew, d be life,
between phases of getting fucked up and euphoric..i lead a very insignificant life...
i mean i donno wer i fit into anyone s plan...
i don t have a plan to fit myself into..saves me the confusion..but im relally confused as to wer i fit into in god s plan, no clue is fun, faith i guess wud be my only companion
and as i weather storms n sea, n serpents, from far away come faces i cherish, lovely faces, warm faces, faces full of laughter, love,
they r not my parents, they r my pals, or long gone faces, faces that kept me warm inside, some strength, some hope, green word hope,
between bouts of drunk stupor, and calm deliriums of loneliness..hope s a word
s nice if u have a house to come to in the nights, a woman,
witha smile full of warmth u can drown in..jus drown in..and watch her and watch her n go to sleep knowing she ll be there wen u wake up....
sometimes every step i take to go home is a hurry...jus so u can go n watch her...
don need anything else in life..jus a lil home..
but the rain drops hit my eyes, sting me with their icyness, the images mingle withem n fade away, and somewer in the rocking ocean of life, my small lil boat with its worries are being tossed around, where to nobody knows, for what i donno..
it's cold, dark, and the swallowing sea is opening up its dragon belly,
and yet curiosuly, there's nothing but a loneliness that grips me on the deck, a loneliness that won't fade away even after i'm gone...

2008-11-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

i was jus sittin here now n thinking...i ve grown up into a meek, hehehe, mature, regular, routine obeying civilised man so much; at least i luk that way;

hehehehe, fuckin unbeliveable

for chris sakes im the naked guy who's trespassing on my neighbour's yard, with a paunch and coolers on me, holding up a burning cigarette delicately between fingers, and not giving a fuck, and whistling;

im the lonely guy who sits alone n cries out of sheer cold on rainy wet night;

im the guy who is full of love for every s.o.b after a couple of drinks;

im also the guy reflective, imagining a way out of this predicament called life;

and im the guy who stops existing suddenly as soon as he begins to unfold something beautiful to love in his hands;

and im the bored guy who jus cant type this whole shit out;

cos he thinks he shud find a guy's past time not a fag's

hehehe

im also a lil kid runnin around, playful, scared of mommy, zesting up to try every trick in the book of the forbidden; glint n all;

and yet im curiously some part of mine is mature enuf to understand people's problems handle them, or destroy them playfully, depending on my mood; :)

im also the scared guy who is afraid of the consequences;

this is boring...!!!

but fuck ya this is me

me zone. me time, my lil bit of life;

whatever

all i want to say is im whoring my self

fucking distracted to a weariness

im free; that's who i am, ???

and no soonr i think it, im whipped by the chains of order; of civilisation, whatever..!!!..

i can t stand like a pimp to be dressed up, manicured, curtain haired, pink nosed, and glossy lipped , b cos people of my time r metro-sexuals, fuck them i say, the world can burn to a fucking crisp

i cant stand like a pimp clad in designer shirts, and flat fronts, and bow down to do routine clerical work;

i can't go and say the politically right thing to a hot woman; i cud nt care;

and im already bored of people with pretences

i cud grab, i cud afford gluttony, i cud afford being dirty, i cud afford being in shambles,

i cud afford laughing, tearing apart with rage, or pissing where or when i felt like, b cos they don't deviate from my true nature; they are like me;

today im an imitation of a clean scrubbed man, hahaha, fucking respectable in the society, and with my face, perenially as if someone's goin to harm me; im all fucked up

am doing the best i could to confess my true nature, i always loved it, it brought me a whole lot more happiness, than pimping my soul, grrr

ilovet

shit politics, info abt the latesht macro n micro environmental developments, dont concern me,

what concerns me is; who's fucking who; will i get her; is she good in bed; or will her mouth do a good job on my tommy gun;

donno. but who cares...hehehe...it s wrong and refreshingly true...it's me..

hate being a boy scout; always hated it;

now i need to find a place where im going to live like me; or start pimping my soul again;....

2008-11-12T03:04:00.000-08:00

slow shall the river meander through the length of thine body

as slow as my lips shall make love to thine soul;

slow shall the passion molten draw out;

as slow as the clouds that pass the moon this night

slow shall the breeze blow in through these windows;

n ever so slowly shall this dance, of ours continue;

And then We shall collapse;

from sweat, from joy,

n tingling delirium, merged within our souls

lost in consciousness;

within the womb of completeness;

peace, white, still, calm, peace;

i seek;

2008-11-06T22:15:00.000-08:00

have lived in malta..i think..not of this life..i speak..of some other life..i had as a bird..an eagle maybe...watching the sun smile at me with his majestic yellow reddish dignity...before he bid the waves goodbye for the evening, and i smiled back sitting on the cragged rock..the azure waves below, lush and blue, innocent and fresh, bid me to come, plunge within them to cool my tears..scared i was of being swallowed into a world, so not mine!!!

the sky was my world, the flight was my fantasy, i soared into the starsin the night wen all the birds slept cosy in their wings, i touched the velvet far beyond this world of the nite, in my life, in my dreams, i flew and i owned my pleasure...my pain too mixed in the heady feeling..

flying was everything, soaring , i owned everything, my life, my mistakes, my foolishness, my pain, and the sheer pleasure, the happiness of breaking free

the sky was a world that was almighty, forgiving, with the warmth of the sun, the cool tenderness of the moon, the whisperings of the stars as they twinkled, the waves that rumbled in agreement beneath, the rocks that stood mute but lively witness to the discussions, while little ants like us slept, comfortably inside our houses,

unaware of the dome of life and its temples, and dieties that came alive in the prayer of silence

everything was alive, alive, working like a family, doing their work, out of love, and under the commands of a mighty heart, that was our own, and nobody wished o go further to find out

our existence on fear and pheromones, continued their pitiable tread..

while the family prayed every night,...

the hearth of the hearts..!!'..

2008-10-31T04:15:00.000-07:00

and i stood behind her, playing with my fingers, over the tender skin of her back..

her hair was wavy, and had a scent of fresh flowers, i brought my lips forward, hovering gently over her chocolate brown shoulder,

i cud see goosebumps rise through her skin, i tilted my head up to see her face in the mirror, she was looking at me, a distant, far away expression, and a yearning in her eyes that arose deep from within from her soul, i saw my eyes, they were swollen, empty, bloodshot, it was like a stranger's face..

this moment... when the warm,golden, mellow fire of the hearth glowed upon us, we watched ourselves, hollow, casting away our-selfs, looking to sate our primal hunger!!!

was all important...it was silence, it was complete.. .

her back curved up in the most delicate way to rise into her supple full, behind..!!!

her hips alluring..with their perfect curves..,,,

my eyes were swallowing what they could see.....

my lips parched, my fingers trembling, i watched as my whole soul was in motion with her partly open lips...!!!

the fire burned on...i watched...seldom had i seen a body, as such, so beautiful,

it's rises and it's falls, a mystery of nature;

it's curves and peaches, and apples, drawing the soul out through my eyes,

i caught hold of her hip, turned her towards me; as she turned her hair brushed by my face;

a little jerk and alarm broke through her, and her eyes wide open, empty, and craving from anticipation.

i wanted to play!!! i put my face next to hers, our foreheads and our noses gently rubbing against each other;

our breaths, mingled;

her palms were on my shoulders now, feeling my soul; my tightness

our bodies were swaying together , but there was no music, there was only the rhythm of our breaths

our smiles were complete, it was like a soul coming together in its resting place; our hearts were complete; there was our li'l home!!!..

our moment bore fruit; it made us complete..!!!...

2008-10-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

evrything else exists along as i exist...when i do not remain..evrything else vanishes...i m as an illusion...i pass with my colors, curious pains, the winds, the breezes that bristled my hairs someday..wanting to make me fly..the sun that shone and winked into my soul thru the trees that swayed by the roads i took..wandered like a soul lost n a temple of the settting sun...lost ..awed... amazed...stunned..suns passed by my skies many rose and set many a time..the winter wrinkled water carpets..that waltzed to the breezes and glowed in the sun..and brimmed like a woman's heart beneath..kissed me soemwher when nobody was there..i can feel her tender touch somewer chilly, moist, in a place that s remotely unmine, where i donno anybody,the only strangers i can relate to is the morning sunshine, the warm, glow of love that caresses my heart n my skin, the moon blue, whispers tales of love , and fiercesome passion of long lost days, the walls filmed with dust damp, tender , decay like things i once owned, i cry, my tears are fresh.

? - exists here now, lonely like a vampire caught in a wrong time of a world i know nothing of,,

of people i can't relate to, of trends that are like straws binding my soul, old, unaged, damp, ever-alone existing..alone..alone..

blood drips from my forehead of stones that chipped my flesh when somebody threw it at me, a misunderstanding, can't blame them, the world when it does nt understand, only misunderstands..i am alone...misunderstood, hating the very life that bounds threw me stuck, routined, chained like an animal, whipped, hurt, mortified within the walls of time..craving for a way out i want to fly away....just to cry alone in peace, with the sun, among the clouds far way and then disappear into something as beautiful as the breeze, the wind, the gold in the sunshine, the warmth, of the first rays plunging into the soil, like a warmth...i want to diasppear..to love eternally a silence that wud love me back..and i cud merge with..and i cud seperate from, when i wished wer i wished..i want to be full, forgotten, letalone into the woods, the jungle, cos my passions are primal, im as the elements coming from them, i am a the soil, as the breeze, the wind, the bark of the trees, im many more im like space...i seek not to be understood, i sought love in a woman's breasts..cos they r silent, they understand, the love me her heart loves me..and thts wat i know...i ll always no...

A Feast for the Dark, Moon Night..!!!

2008-10-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

i stand over her..towering..one palm of mine and its solid grip is all it takes to pin her wrists to the cold, glass pane..

she writhes against my grip..her eyes like a school - girl's are trepid, expecting, anticipating, and scared - cluless...

smile- my smile twitches against my lips and stretches my chin..

she's naked like a baby..!!!

vulnerable, defenceless, helplessly spread up against the pane..

the rage is slowly building up inside me...

her toes are curling, but she cannot move, my 'thing' pierces against her soft stomach,

i slowly brush my bristled chin against her soft cheek, she shivers... i break into a smile again...

my grip tightens against her wrists ..her eyes are helpless... tortured now... begging me to let her go , but i won't

cos im having fun..hehehe

i gently draw my nails around her navel...and i can feel her breath catch and rise-up

my jaws r tightening and im smiling at her baby eyes, her big, beautiful. luscious, breasts are rising up all the way to my neck..i lean down on her...

oh my god that nipple of hers is brown, taut and almost angry that my mouth is not upon it;

the left one;

i blow cold air on that nipple, and and i can see that breast swell up like a beast thru her moan,

i suck on that soft, full nipple, hard..gently and then swallow that breast into my mouth making noises...im lost in that smell of her, in chocolate brown skin of her..and she is pushing against my body struggling to be free..i release my mouth from her ravaged breast now...and i raise my head to her face...as i release her arms from over her head...my dick is in full attention now.. and i can see her hunger in her eyes..ther's thread of spit from her areole to my lip..and i smile through my raspy breath...a feast for the dark moon night'!!!!