desiderata'..........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

crying out in the needs...

smoke carries my dreams...wafting through the walls n the air....

cum filled mouth of mine...

i was filled once by a cock....i was sucked once by a cunt...

slimy salty....dreamy choked eyes.....

the walls are purple velvet....

my wails gargle into laughter inside me

eyes are dead, but dreamy, the cigarette s soft within my fingers....

the burning heat's soothing....

red soft walls, long blue passages, rose colored doors, paintings..of blue hues...

cumming inside a room of white walls, filled with paintings n sultry heat...

on a table of brown....with men crowding around me, selfish beasts,

women, selfish vultures, their smiles vulgar as if their smiles tore their masks away....

my tears are filled with devil, scorching devil, it burns my skin as my pearls trickle down....

the smoke rises like delicious delirious dreams from the cave of my hollow mouth..

numbness of pleasure....a moment of hollow soul..of infantile dreams,

my groin hurts from the ravaging, my lips stretch against the dry cum, my smile's for the moment....

i wanna die....i ve filled my heart, with cum, my smiles pearly, my eyes glassy....

i wanna die.....curly hair, my soul's flying away, through the winds stuck in this room,

sultry sweat n the scent of it makes me miss it again,

the vicious assault of madness, of lust, all pervading lust...in the moment....

miss t all....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc8xbjbpCQM&feature=related

hehehehe

absurdity has a charm,:)
im swollen wt it :_____)

Blllliack

how often does a song echo thru ur soul like ur own song, like ur own tears,,, this is mine :)








I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

silent wails

slender fingers fell, on me, hers...

an ancient violin i was....

she caressed away the shrouds of my dust ; slowly

with her chocolate fingers;

she played her tunes on my strings....and i fell a slave

i hummed, sang, wailed, and screamed....

she left, with her playful fingers...

i wait now, in silence,

for her touch..

and the dust falls on me once more.....

cymbals and the concubines of hope

and now that i am plunged in ur folds this warm morning;

growing afternoon in the shade of ur lashes;

my seed joyously rushing all over my body into you

my face buried deep within the curves of your neck

and ur body like a serpent's next to mine;

ancient gyrations, ancient pleasures

let me fill up my heart in love;
let me offer it with my tears to you;
let my soul be cracked open,
to be laid at ur feet today...

and let ur lily toes kick away the cinders of my mortal fire;
my passion;
my blood red flower;
my lily that bleeds
take me, make me yours this morning
that i may see the afternoon through the shade of your lashes;

im bleeding..someone would rememeber me as a forbidden memory

nobody remembers me the way i want to....

i leave greived

if only anybody saw these things...if only my prayers were answered....if only my madness found a home, if only i could fly, if only i could love her the way i wanted to......

God im so sorry,

i am so angry

and i am very angry, nothing's gone my way, is a wrong sacrilegiou thing to say, im happy ur there,
im very very sad,
i guess i ll live with it, hurts every moment, and hurts pretty bad,
let me break free lord, lemme escsape, im sorry, im very very sorry...
so very sorry...

i am done ..s about time i realised,,,i am done

the elegies

wide lovely black eyes

long black hair

smiles that bring to my mind

fresh pomegranates in the rain

she'll never be mine, no

and she'll remain a picture on the walls of my mind,

o' gypsy heart of mine, y must we crave a home, or a steady sun,

the cold and the frosts are mine, that's our realm, our ice cold realms,

we shall swim in our world in the fogs, and lakes and placid pines

when she has gone following her path;

and i am lonely again,

and when the ice shall melt my heart

I’m a clerk
I’m a secretary
I’m a dumbo
I am stupid
Morning dawns
Birds freshen the sky
Sun warms the earth
I walk on weary
Till my day’s end is reached;
I come back in the evening
Often in a hurry;
To see your eyes;
Whether time has changed them or not or how they seem to smile at me;
Black, tubs of love
Warm like chocolate…
I can drown in
Your smile gladdening, slightly painful, because I won’t wake up to it; I wish I did
Your fingers, your touch, even in pinches soothing, filling me with a sense what is so close and yet will never be mine
You’re like the breeze, you’re in me in this moment, u possess my soul this one moment,
I am swept away; and in this moment
My pain is like a knife dug into the back of my heart, aching, sometimes bleeding
For I have lost you forever in this another moment
You’re mine, a dream, I am in love with....
Wet, rainy days, come, I think of u, I think of your eyes, of your smile, of when u lie down smiling
Like the smell of warm coffee, I treasure them, in sepia….

My breaths I owe to a dream, my dream will be you now…always…!

being blown away in the wind...

s 10 30 at nite, i walk on the empty streets, under the halogen lamps, lonely, cold even in the simmering heat..worried, depressed, but gleeful inside....
weird eh...not so...not wen u know evertything about u is a great paradox...and as mysterious as the grand canyon.
im simple with great troubles caused from big things and small...im not even sure who i am
woke up in bed today witha start wonderin who i was or somethin..i am not me....i am not ur funny guy, always with a laugh, with a quirky things to say or something, maybe i am a lil bit of that guy
there is something primitive stirring inside me wen im in bed, when i relax, i can feel those mysterious lurkings in the depths of the darks, s a sad sorrow, when everybody knows only for wat u show them cos if u showed wat u really were, ud be in jail...
u cant even share urself with the world cos u don even no how insane u can get, u get lafed on by ppl who don no u, wat hurts more is wen ppl u hope wud no u act dumb, or seriosuly in their defense do not know u
i ben hurt a million times with my ex wen i thot wen she shuda understood me she was so far on the opposite side, so far being the operative word, wen u come under that kind of trouble, u miss someone to really no u, come to ur defense, to hold u, wrap u up from the cold and loneliness, and take u awy in their arms...
the hurtful part is ppl who don have the slightest idea who i am adore me, and ppl who i wud rather share myself with have a very gruesome idea of who i am
i am not saying tbhey r far away from the truth but i really need somebody to understand me, understand that they r dealin with a tortured soul with absolute ignorance of who he himself is...

insecure - i have a word for it...
totally insecure...hmmm
no one person to msg or actually can be myself with in all of the world, and i don need a person, a place , or some sort of , any sort of i guess, element would do,

not a person who would care for me or anything in this whole wide world, jus freezing lonely is wat i would call it, i like it this way too..cos if somebody knew me they d take advantage of me

when one finds paradise he gives alkl away to be there and suddenly when all u have is given in exchange, paradise disappears and in the bargain ur consumed by deceit.....

i don even no who or wat i am waiting for in this world some ppl come make me feel magical wen im with them and pass away...i saty rooted in loneliness...
wat can i say wen i all i see is a darkness wen i luk inside of myself...and the light i show outside is the light i wish i had to light up inside of me but wud nt cos i was too bored to do it.....

only i understand this blog, this exercise in futility for anyone else, is as always a waste of time,
i have no one to msg, no one to talk to, no one to wait for, no one to hold onto to make warm, i am lonely as cold cucumber in the ass of siberia - poetically speaking....

pain is the mother of humor..... :-(....

i swim in the green emerald, dark underworld of waves....flowers, dead faces i loved luking at....smiling still dead

herbs, long short thurbs, waltzed with their funny spines in this murky darks,
it was cool, upwards there was the yellow sun, gliming thru my waters,
i wanted to swim deeper, i swam, and the thrubs and their blue forests domained,
and as i swam thru i realised my home was further deeper in to these dark deep blue wavy woods..and as i swam i melted into this dark, by fractions;
i realised now was forever; and forever was now.....and as i melted i smiled in fractions, the blue waters were cool, dark and deep....

.........................................................................

mornings in a garden facing the mountains,
me, bees, n the flowers, the sun loving me in her warm mellow, golden glow
the breeze that passes over me n the garden alike like love and heody's me r whispers;
my hair soft, n ruffled, my eyes wide opened, my smile only a part of the sunshine;
as beautiful as my tear and the stars up in heaven,
nights, my soul rises to be with them, i fly between the stars thru the nite;
swim the depths of blue space, the wind s music, miss all those who missed me;
i fly and i know they r there n always were and sometimes i become contained in the fact that everybody's me; and i was but a fragment in a vase splitting, shattering into serenity, thru eternity...
my tears were crystals, and so everything's a poem, and everything splits always to be part of one poem...one poem of motion, of silence, of permanent movement thru ethreal equilibrium...
and so it was....when i was....

god bless our lil worlds,

god bless my lil world;

....................................

From – Twenty Poems of Love

I can write the saddest lines tonight.Write for example: ‘The night is fracturedand they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’The night wind turns in the sky and sings.I can write the saddest lines tonight.

I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.

I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.

The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off.

Far off,my soul is not content to have lost her.As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.

My heart looks for her: she is not with meThe same night whitens, in the same branches.

We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,my soul is not content to have lost her.Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Pablo Neruda

Another Christmas away from a home i know not..!!

U no there r these times wen ya feel, so down, so down that u feel ur losing ur grip on everything, but the comforting thought that u never hjad a grip on anything in the first place dawns, and m smiling again, but it hurts to know your cold, your hurt, and your lonely in this world
Sucking on a cigarette, lying on the lawns near a river, letting the cool breeze soothe my hot tears, I see up at the sky open, vulnerable, and almost an insignificant, forgettable speck, lonely is the word…
I sit n I’m alone inside my heart, its homely enough for me, pondering, sad, pensive…and wet moist eyes;
Sometimes I cry, I rarely no y, I cry n I cry and I cry, for that is the only thing to do,
I see up the sky, feeling someone up there beyond the clouds wud see me, know me, and let me be free as a wind,
Im being contained and chopped into smaller n smaller pieces, I ve now lesser time for freedom for myself than wen I was a kid, or wait, I never had it, I never had it so I d never no it, sex is an antidote against pain n loneliness, so im drawn towards it invariably,
The icy loneliness drives me towards warmth, and yet I get ignored by this warmth, this heat, I get pierced in the heart by it;
I am confused, silent, and its chaos running amok inside my head, losing my energy, over jus feeling n thinking at the same time, I hate everybody else in my life…
I don like my luck, im pointing fingers..At whom..??
Its X Mas,
I’m child again….
Running among thistles, believing in Santa; hoping for snow to come, and a window thru which to see the flakes twirling down to kiss the earth.
My home, I have a home far away, where, nobody knows, there I have a mom –myself, my pop-myself, and a child-myself to be together for Xmas , to huddle up close by the fire, while the snow curls twirl downwards to the tunes of the midnight Christmas carols, the pet cat n dog r also lil bits of me, the wall brown n yellow in the golden light of the fire, and Santa’s sledge can be heard far away, a moment, only a moment, of not this life, which life I know not, but a moment all the same… .