in one of those moods today..tonite ??
cold, scared, shivering a lil from fever n nasal and throat pain, feelin down
lack of respect, a constant feeling of fear, and a reputaion for untrustworthiness,
i ve picked gems from personality traits and made them mine....
was good the journey i had till now....how long more
i donno...must be like the sea with tempestous storms, sea-serpents, cold winds, scary waves and irritating crew, d be life,
between phases of getting fucked up and euphoric..i lead a very insignificant life...
i mean i donno wer i fit into anyone s plan...
i don t have a plan to fit myself into..saves me the confusion..but im relally confused as to wer i fit into in god s plan, no clue is fun, faith i guess wud be my only companion
and as i weather storms n sea, n serpents, from far away come faces i cherish, lovely faces, warm faces, faces full of laughter, love,
they r not my parents, they r my pals, or long gone faces, faces that kept me warm inside, some strength, some hope, green word hope,
between bouts of drunk stupor, and calm deliriums of loneliness..hope s a word
s nice if u have a house to come to in the nights, a woman,
witha smile full of warmth u can drown in..jus drown in..and watch her and watch her n go to sleep knowing she ll be there wen u wake up....
sometimes every step i take to go home is a hurry...jus so u can go n watch her...
don need anything else in life..jus a lil home..
but the rain drops hit my eyes, sting me with their icyness, the images mingle withem n fade away, and somewer in the rocking ocean of life, my small lil boat with its worries are being tossed around, where to nobody knows, for what i donno..
it's cold, dark, and the swallowing sea is opening up its dragon belly,
and yet curiosuly, there's nothing but a loneliness that grips me on the deck, a loneliness that won't fade away even after i'm gone...

i was jus sittin here now n thinking...i ve grown up into a meek, hehehe, mature, regular, routine obeying civilised man so much; at least i luk that way;

hehehehe, fuckin unbeliveable

for chris sakes im the naked guy who's trespassing on my neighbour's yard, with a paunch and coolers on me, holding up a burning cigarette delicately between fingers, and not giving a fuck, and whistling;

im the lonely guy who sits alone n cries out of sheer cold on rainy wet night;

im the guy who is full of love for every s.o.b after a couple of drinks;

im also the guy reflective, imagining a way out of this predicament called life;

and im the guy who stops existing suddenly as soon as he begins to unfold something beautiful to love in his hands;

and im the bored guy who jus cant type this whole shit out;

cos he thinks he shud find a guy's past time not a fag's

hehehe

im also a lil kid runnin around, playful, scared of mommy, zesting up to try every trick in the book of the forbidden; glint n all;

and yet im curiously some part of mine is mature enuf to understand people's problems handle them, or destroy them playfully, depending on my mood; :)

im also the scared guy who is afraid of the consequences;

this is boring...!!!

but fuck ya this is me

me zone. me time, my lil bit of life;

whatever

all i want to say is im whoring my self

fucking distracted to a weariness

im free; that's who i am, ???

and no soonr i think it, im whipped by the chains of order; of civilisation, whatever..!!!..

i can t stand like a pimp to be dressed up, manicured, curtain haired, pink nosed, and glossy lipped , b cos people of my time r metro-sexuals, fuck them i say, the world can burn to a fucking crisp

i cant stand like a pimp clad in designer shirts, and flat fronts, and bow down to do routine clerical work;

i can't go and say the politically right thing to a hot woman; i cud nt care;

and im already bored of people with pretences

i cud grab, i cud afford gluttony, i cud afford being dirty, i cud afford being in shambles,

i cud afford laughing, tearing apart with rage, or pissing where or when i felt like, b cos they don't deviate from my true nature; they are like me;

today im an imitation of a clean scrubbed man, hahaha, fucking respectable in the society, and with my face, perenially as if someone's goin to harm me; im all fucked up

am doing the best i could to confess my true nature, i always loved it, it brought me a whole lot more happiness, than pimping my soul, grrr

ilovet

shit politics, info abt the latesht macro n micro environmental developments, dont concern me,

what concerns me is; who's fucking who; will i get her; is she good in bed; or will her mouth do a good job on my tommy gun;

donno. but who cares...hehehe...it s wrong and refreshingly true...it's me..

hate being a boy scout; always hated it;

now i need to find a place where im going to live like me; or start pimping my soul again;....

slow shall the river meander through the length of thine body

as slow as my lips shall make love to thine soul;

slow shall the passion molten draw out;

as slow as the clouds that pass the moon this night

slow shall the breeze blow in through these windows;

n ever so slowly shall this dance, of ours continue;

And then We shall collapse;

from sweat, from joy,

n tingling delirium, merged within our souls

lost in consciousness;

within the womb of completeness;

peace, white, still, calm, peace;

i seek;

have lived in malta..i think..not of this life..i speak..of some other life..i had as a bird..an eagle maybe...watching the sun smile at me with his majestic yellow reddish dignity...before he bid the waves goodbye for the evening, and i smiled back sitting on the cragged rock..the azure waves below, lush and blue, innocent and fresh, bid me to come, plunge within them to cool my tears..scared i was of being swallowed into a world, so not mine!!!

the sky was my world, the flight was my fantasy, i soared into the starsin the night wen all the birds slept cosy in their wings, i touched the velvet far beyond this world of the nite, in my life, in my dreams, i flew and i owned my pleasure...my pain too mixed in the heady feeling..

flying was everything, soaring , i owned everything, my life, my mistakes, my foolishness, my pain, and the sheer pleasure, the happiness of breaking free

the sky was a world that was almighty, forgiving, with the warmth of the sun, the cool tenderness of the moon, the whisperings of the stars as they twinkled, the waves that rumbled in agreement beneath, the rocks that stood mute but lively witness to the discussions, while little ants like us slept, comfortably inside our houses,

unaware of the dome of life and its temples, and dieties that came alive in the prayer of silence

everything was alive, alive, working like a family, doing their work, out of love, and under the commands of a mighty heart, that was our own, and nobody wished o go further to find out

our existence on fear and pheromones, continued their pitiable tread..

while the family prayed every night,...